Capital Reviews

 The Skin You're In [book, comic] MEH, I WANTED TO LIKE THIS MORE. IT'S NOT TERRIBLE BUT IT'S JUST FINE. IT'S A HORROR ANTHOLOGY OF COMICS. ALL THE STORIES ARE PERFECTLY FINE, BUT NONE OF THEM REALLY STICK OUT MUCH, EVERY STORY IS JUST "PEOPLE ARE CAMPING AND MEET SCARY STRANGERS WHO ARE A MONSTER"  OR "A FLOWER EATS YOU". ONE MIXED IT UP BY HAVING PEOPLE CAMPING AND A MUSHROOM ATE THEM.  NONE OF IT IS BAD, THEY JUST DIDN'T REALLY TREAD A LOT OF GROUND STORY TO STORY.  PS. ALSO THE PANEL LAYOUT WAS SLIGHTLY WEIRD SO I FELT LIKE I WAS CONSTANTLY LOSING TRACK IN EVERY ACTION SCENE. 

 Luna [book] THIS BOOK IS LIKE 20 YEARS OLD. THE MAIN POINT OF VIEW CHARACTER IS THE SISTER AND THAT'S INTERESTING, I DON'T FEEL LIKE SOMETHING WOULD BE WRITTEN THIS WAY NOW. LIKE IT WAS A CONCEIT TO PUT THE 'CONTROVERSIAL' PART ONE STEPPED REMOVED. IT'S NOT A BOOK ABOUT A TRANSGENDER TEEN, IT'S A BOOK ABOUT THE SISTER OF A TRANSGENDER TEEN. BUT THE WAY IT'S WRITTEN A LOT OF IT IS LIKE, LIAM/LIA/LUNA SHOWING UP AND HAVING A BIG EVENT THEN THE SISTER BEING THE ONE DOING ALMOST ALL OF THE SPEAKING. WHICH IS A REALLY WEIRD ROLE.  I KIND OF LIKE THE WAY IT (MAYBE UNINTENTIONALLY) SETS THINGS UP, WHERE THE SISTER NEVER IS CONSISTENT ABOUT NAMES OR GENDER (AND HAS THE SECRET EXTRA LEVEL OF DEADNAMING WITH LIA) BUT IS SO ABSURDLY UNREALISTICALLY POSITIVELY INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING. IT'S LIKE A WEIRDLY NICE SIBLING RELATIONSHIP. ALTHOUGH MAYBE THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE BOOK, AS THE MOM WAS EVEN MORE THAT IN THE END. LIKE MAYBE AN ATTAINABLE 2004 FAMILY GOAL, THEY ...

 Paddington in Peru [movie] I AM SHOCKED HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THIS MOVIE. IT'S JUST A NOTHING STUPID FAMILY MOVIE BUT SOMEHOW EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY. THE PLOT WAS LIKE, WEIRDLY CONVOLUTED AND HARD TO FOLLOW (OR IT WAS SO BORING I COULD NOT BOTHER TO PAY ATTENTION) AND IT FELT WEIRD TO HAVE SO MANY SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS IN A STORY ABOUT A DUMB BRITISH BEAR. ALSO WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH HIS WEIRD SUPER SAYAN BRITISH STARE, DID THAT COME UP EARLIER? COULD HE JUST DO THAT ALL ALONG??? PS. I DON'T THINK THE DAUGHTER *SHOULD* FORGIVE HER FATHER WHO WAS GOING TO HAVE HER SHOT WITH A BLUNDERBUS FOR MONEY. 

 Sweden: Heaven and Hell [movie, "nonfiction"] THIS IS A 1968 MONDO EXPLOITATION ANTI SWEDEN FILM. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS?  PS. THE CONTEXT BEING SEXY SAUNA I FUNNY, BUT THE BEST PART IS THERE BEING A SECRET ALTERNATIVE SONG PLAYING OVER WEIRD DRUNK HOMOEROTIC WOOD CHOPPING JAIL. SESAME STREET COULD HAVE DONE A SEQUEL!

 Wicked: For Good [movie] IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS TERRIBLE, BUT I DO BUY THE THEORY THEY SPLIT THE MOVIE IN TWO BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES THE SECOND HALF OF WICKED. NONE OF THE SONGS WERE REALLY ANYTHING AND THE PLOTTING AND PACE JUST ABSOLUTELY WENT OFF A CLIFF PRETTY QUICK. WHICH I IMAGINE UNIVERSAL PICTURES WAS THANKING THEIR STARS FOR BECAUSE THE BEST PART WAS THE LIKE 5 MINUTES THIS GOT SO POLITICAL WITH THE ANIMALS IN A WAY THAT FELT LIKE WAS ALWAYS POLITICAL, BUT IN LIKE A SAFE NOTHING WAY WHEN THEY GREENLIT THIS MOVIE IN LIKE 2015 OR WHATEVER THAT WAS NOT GENERIC IN 2025, BUT ALSO WAS OVER IMMEDIATELY. (NO, THE BEST PART WAS THE WEIRD AMOUNT OF FOCUS ON POSTER IN THIS MOVIE, IT FELT LIKE THEY HIRED SOMEONE WHO WAS GOOD AT MAKING POSTERS AND PROMOTED HIM TO LIKE, LEAD SET DESIGNER. (NO, THE BEST PART WAS ELPHABA'S SEX RUG)) PS. I READ THE FIRST WIZARD OF OZ THEN EXACTLY ONE OTHER BOOK AND I'M GONNA DO THAT THING I DO WITH DR WHO LUNGBARROW WHERE I READ EXACTLY ONE BOOK AND ...

 The Toxic Avenger [movie] I EXPECTED TO ABSOLUTELY HATE THIS BUT I THINK I KINDA LIKE IT. LIKE 90% OF IT WAS THE SERIOUS REMAKE I FEARED THEY WERE GONNA MAKE, BUT THEN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE IT WOULD HAVE A TROMA JOKE WHICH WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN FUNNY IN A REAL TROMA MOVIE BUT BECAUSE THIS MOVIE WAS SORT OF SOMETIMES TRYING TO BE REAL ENDED UP A MILLION TIMES FUNNIER THAN THEY SHOULD OF. LIKE SOMEONE CALLING HIM A DEMON AND SOMEONE CALLING HIM A FIEND AND THEN SOMEONE OFF SCREEN SAYING "THOSE ARE THE SAME THING" IS BARELY A JOKE, BUT MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD IN REAL LIFE. ALSO "HEY BOYS" AND "BACKFLIP" AND "I JUST SAID I'D FIND OUT HOW PAINFUL IT WAS"  PS. THE TOWN IS NAMED ST ROMA VILLE AND THEN IT DOES THE FALLOUT THING ON THE SIGN AND LIKE, THAT IS A GOOD SUMMARY OF WHAT THIS MOVIE ENDED UP BEING. LIKE NEEDING TO PUT A MORE SERIOUS LAYER ON THEN IMMEDIATELY REMOVING IT ANYWAY.  

 They Shoot Horses Don't They [movie] THIS MOVIE IS WEIRDLY COMPELLING. I HAVE THE ASSUMPTION THAT A 60S JANE FONDA MOVIE IS GONNA BE DULL AND BAD. BUT I KINDA LIKED THIS. IT'S ABOUT A 1930S DANCE MARATHON THAT GOES ON FOR DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS AS NO ONE WANTS TO QUIT BECAUSE IT'S THE GREAT DEPRESSION AND WINNING IS THEIR ONLY CHANCE. IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME MOVIE AS THE LONG WALK, WHERE EVERYONE IS JUST SLOWLY FALLING APART. I DON'T KNOW. IT WON A TON OF AWARDS SO I SHOULDN'T BE SHOCKED, BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT TO LIKE IT.  PS. I SAID THE PHRASE 'THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY" AND THEN KNEW IT WAS A REFERANCE, BUT LITERALLY HAD NO IDEA TO WHAT. SO I HAD TO ACTUALLY WATCH THIS. I'M SURE I KNEW ABOUT IT DUE TO SIMPSONS ALTHOUGH I CAN'T REALLY FIND A REFERANCE IN THAT BEYOND A FAKE MOVIE POSTER I WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED. I STILL JUST *KNOW* THIS IS A THING SIMPSONS WOULD TALK ABOUT. 

 All Fours [book] I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS ONE.  IT'S A BOOK ABOUT BEING 45. I THINK THE SECRET PREMISE IS THE AUTHOR INTERVIEWED REAL WOMEN/PEOPLE AND INTEGRATED THAT INTO THE STORY, BUT THAT FELT LIKE IT REALLY DIDN'T WORK WELL AT ALL. LIKE I FEEL LIKE THE REAL PEOPLE WERE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE GAY AND STRAIGHT, IN RELATIONSHIPS, SINGLE AND DIVORCED AND THEY MASHED THAT INTO ONE PERSON AND IT JUST MADE HER SEEM REALLY WEIRD AND MEAN TO EVERYONE. ALSO IT FELT LIKE IT LEFT A LOT OF STORY THREADS REALLY FLOATING. ALSO THERE WAS A LOT OF SEX SCENES AND FOR A WHILE A LOT OF THEM HAD SOME GROSS OUT ELEMENT TO THEM? WHICH FELT LIKE SOME "YOU GET OLDER AND ACCEPT BODIES" OR SOMETHING, THEN IT KINDA DROPPED IT AND JUST HAD EROTICA TYPE SEX SCENES, AND IT WAS LIKE "WHY DID EVERYONE HAVE GROSS SEX ONLY IN THE FIRST THIRD OF THE BOOK???". ALSO I LIKE HOW THEY INCLUDED A MENOPAUSE HORMONE CHART THEN KINDA RANDOMLY 200 PAGES LATER THEY WERE LIKE 'THAT WASN'T EVEN...

 Predator: Badlands [movie] THIS MOVIE WAS STUPID AND KINDA ANNOYING, BUT ALMOST EVERY PREDATOR MOVIE HAS BEEN PRETTY BAD (AUTISM STEALING PREDATOR. WAIT? WAS THIS GUY SO SMALL BECAUSE HE WAS THE AUTISM PREDATOR????) SO MAYBE IT'S GOOD TO JUST LET THEM MAKE WHATEVER. ALIENS JUST MAKES OKAY MOVIES THAT ARE OKAY BECAUSE THEY ARE EXACTLY LIKE THE GOOD ONES, THIS IS SOME STUPID MESS WHERE THE LOCALLY SOURCED ORGANIC SNAKE SHOULDER GUN GOT TO HAVE AN ABSURD MINI STORY ARC THAT BARELY SHOWED ON SCREEN.  PS. I FEEL LIKE THE MONSTER WAS SO CLEARLY A BEHEMOTH AND THERE WAS LIKE COPY RIGHT INFRINGEMENT LEVELS OF COPYING THAT WHEN THEY CAST ICE 3 OR WHATEVER ON IT. ACTUALLY THE WHOLE THING IS LITERALLY THE CUBE STORY FROM LIVE A LIFE BUT I DON'T THINK ANYONE EVEN WOULD RIP THAT OFF, SOMEONE RIPPED OFF SOME CUT SCENE FROM SOME PLAYSTATION FINAL FANTASY TRAILER OR SOMETHING. 

 Things [movie] IT'S A 1989 ALMOST TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE CANADIAN HORROR MOVIE THAT IS ON TUBI IN 389P RESOLUTION. A WOMAN GETS EVIL FERTILITY TREATMENT AND GETS PREGNENT WITH HUNDREDS OF ANTS THAT ARE SPIDERS THAT HAVE TEETH (AND ARE IN THE WRONG HOUSE) OR MAYBE NONE OF THAT HAPPENS.  PS. AHHHH, A HOOO! I'M IN THE FREEZER NOOOOO AHHH HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 Replaceable You [book, audiobook] MAN, I LOVE MARY ROACH. ANY TIME I HAVE LITTLE TRIVIA FACTS ASSUME I GOT THEM FROM MARY ROACH.  DID YOU KNOW HISTORICALLY IF SOMEONE WAS HORRIBLY BURNED THEY WOULD TRANSPLANT LIKE, RABBIT SKIN AND CAT SKIN AND STUFF ONTO THE BURNS AND ACTUALLY THAT ACTUALLY SECRETLY WORKS BECAUSE IF YOU BURN ENOUGH SKIN OFF YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM JUST GIVES UP AND WILL JUST TAKE A BUNCH OF CAT SKIN FOR A WHILE.  PS. ALSO FINGER PENIS. 

 The People's Joker [movie] OH, THIS MOVIE IS REALLY COOL.  IT'S LIKE A BUNCH OF ADULT SWIM ACTORS AND STUFF MADE AN ILLEGAL COPYRIGHT BREAKING BATMAN MOVIE BUT A COMING OF AGE TRANS STORY?  SO IT'S LIKE, A FAIRLY NUANCED QUEER STORY BUT AT THE SAME TIME DAVID LIBER HART IS THERE AND IT HAS A BUNCH OF ADULT SWIM STYLE STUFF (GREENSCREENING SOMEONE TO SIT ON A NORMAL CHAIR, A 3D MODEL THAT IS JUST THE DEFAULT MANNEQUIN BUT WITH STUFF STUCK TO IT, RAGDOLL PHYSICS PEOPLE). I DON'T KNOW, THAT REALLY RULES. IT FEELS LIKE THE KINDA THING YOU SEE ALL THE TIME IN SMALL INDIE COMICS. COPYRIGHT KNOCKOFFS. LIKE THIS IS BASICALLY THE SAME SORT OF THING AS "THE PERVERT" THAT WAS SO FUNNY BY HAVING COPYRIGHT STUFF, BUT IN THIS THEY GOT TO BE A MOVIE AND HAVE BOB ODENKIRK AND TIM HEIDECKER MAKE IT.  PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE SOMEONE HAD A JOKER STICKER THAT WAS VERY FEMME AND I TRIED TO LOOK IF THERE WAS EVER A COMIC THEY TRANSED THE JOKER'S GENDER. (THERE PROBABLY WAS)...

 Bugonia [movie] HA! I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING INSANE THIS WHOLE TIME. LIKE WATCHING THIS MOVIE AND REALIZING IT WAS LIKE SOMETHING, THEN SLOWLY BEING LIKE "WHY IS THIS A WEIRD SERIOUS KNOCKOFF OF SAVE THE GREEN PLANET?" AND THEN IT GETTING NEAR THE END AND JUST BEING IN THE THEATER LOSING MY MIND HOOTING AND HOLLERING INTERNALLY THAT I KNOW THIS MOVIE AND IT'S SOME WEIRD ALTERNATE EVIL SERIOUS VERSION OF SAVE THE GREEN PLANET....... THEN GETTING OUT AND LOOKING THE MOVIE UP AND THE THIRD LINE OF THE WIKIPEDIA BEING "BASED ON SAVE THE GREEN PLANET". PS. THIS *IS* MORE SERIOUS AND LESS SILLY THAN THE ORIGINAL, BUT I WONDER HOW MUCH OF THE APPARENT TONE CHANGE IS CEOS SEEMING WAY WORSE AND CONSPERICY THEORIESTS SEEMING WAY MORE AWFUL THAN WHEN THE ORIGINAL CAME OUT. 

 Sorry, Baby [movie] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT THIS MOVIE.  IT TOOK A REALLY HEAVY SUBJECT AND MADE IT INTO A COMEDY IN A REALLY WELL DONE WAY. I FEEL REALLY BAD DISLIKING IT FOR A REALLY NIT PICKY REASON BUT IT MADE ME CRAZY. THE MAIN CHARACTER BEING A WEIRD AUDRY PLAZA THAT IS ALSO AUTISM THAT IS ALSO AN ADULT BABY EVEN KIND WORKS, I MEAN, WHAT AUTISTIC PERSON ISN'T THAT? I EVEN ALLOW THE RIVAL BEING THAT AS A PARALLEL I EVEN ALLOW THE FRIEND'S WIFE BEING THAT AS A "SHE MARRIED HER FRIEND" JOKE. BUT IT WAS MAKING ME CRAZY EVERYONE WAS THAT. WHY WAS THE GROCERY STORE WOMAN THAT? WHY IS THE COLLEGE HR DEPARTMENT LIKE THAT? IT FEELS LIKE IT CHANGED THE MOVIE FROM A STORY ABOUT THE GIRL AS A WEIRD PERSON DEALING WITH A VERY SERIOUS TRAUMA, TO JUST WACKY WORLD WHERE EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT. I DON'T KNOW, IT'S A DUMB THING TO BE WORKED UP ABOUT?  PS. OLEG MOVIE

 Cells at Work! [movie] MAN, BY HAVING AN ACTUAL OUTSIDE WORLD PLOT THIS WHOLE THING BECAME BRUTAL. LIKE IN THE ORIGINAL IT'S REALLY ABSTRACT AND KINDA FEELS LIKE AN ANTHOLOGY. LIKE IT'S GOT AN ONGOING STORY BUT EVERY EPISODE KINDA SEEMS LIKE IT'S OWN THING AND A LOT OF THE STUFF DOESN'T REALLY MAKE ANY SENSE HAPPENING RIGHT IN A ROW. FIXED TO SPECIFIC CHARACTERS THIS TURNS REALLY ROUGH. I DID LIKE IT THOUGH, ALTHOUGH THEY SUPER DOWNPLAYED MY FAVORITE PART, THE THING WHERE YOU COULD TELL THEY WROTE THE CHAPTERS WITH A MEDICAL ENCYCLOPEIA OPEN AND WENT TO ABSURD LENGTHS TO MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE EVERY LINE OF MEDICAL INFORMATION IN SOME WEIRD ABSTRACT ANIME WAY.  PS. I DO LIKE THEY WORKED IN CELLS AT WORK BLACK AS JUST BEING THE DAD, ALTHOUGH I KEPT WONDERING IF HE WAS GOING TO GET AIDS THE WHOLE MOVIE.