Capital Reviews

UHF [movie] I RENTED THIS BACK FROM LIKE, GILLUMS IN LIKE 1989 OR SOMETHING. THE SKITS AND PARODIES ARE FUNNY BUT LIKE, THERE IS A MILLION THINGS THAT HAVE DONE SKITS AND PARODY SO THEY ARE JUST FINE OR WHATEVER BUT MAN, THE INDIVIDUAL JOKES SERIOUSLY HOLD UP. IT'S NOT EVEN A GOOD JOKE OR ANYTHING BUT I SNORTED A DRINK OUT MY NOSE AT "TAKE THAT STUPID THING OFF". PS. I LIKE HOW HALF HEARTED THE ACTUAL PLOT IS. LIKE YOU CAN SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN WEIRD AL BEING A DAY DREAMER AND THE TV STATION, BUT LIKE, BARELY.

Greaser's Place [movie] IT'S GOOD, BUT NOT NEARLY AS GOOD BUT IT ABSOLUTELY BLOWS MY MIND A SECOND MOVIE IN THE SAME GENRE AS EL TOPO EXISTS. COWBOY SURREALIST DRUG CHRIST METAPHOR 1970S MOVIE. BUT IT'S GOOD AND IT'S AMAZING A SECOND MOVIE IN THIS ULTRA THIN GENRE EXISTS IS AMAZING. PS. ROBERT DOWNEY JR IN IT AS A LITTLE KID, AND THE GIRL THAT SANG HEY MICKY AS A CONSTANTLY TOPLESS NATIVE.

Tank Girl [movie] I HAVE WATCHED THIS MOVIE A BUNCH OF TIMES BUT I GUESS NOT WITHIN THE ERA OF CAPITAL REVIEWS SO I'LL REVIEW IT: IT'S REALLY GOOD. PS. I REMEMBER LIKING IT IRONICALLY BUT IT'S MOSTLY JUST ACTUALLY GOOD.

Zapped Again [movie] THIS IS LIKE, A DIRECT TO VIDEO TEEN SEX COMEDY AND IS LIKE HIGH LEVELS OF EVERYONE JUST BEING AN ACTUAL RAPIST. ON THE OTHER HAND THE EXCHANGE "IF YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR SUCH TIGHT PANTS YOU SHOULD AT LEAST WEAR UNDERWEAR"/"I CAN'T BECAUSE YOU ATE THEM ALL" IS MY FAVORITE THING NOW. PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE GRIFFIN MCELROY NAMED A POKEMON AFTER THIS MOVIE IN A NUSLOCK VIDEO FROM LIKE 4 YEARS AGO THAT I JUST HAPPENED TO WATCH.

Terrorvision [movie] I WAS GOING TO STOP WATCHING THIS STUFF AFTER VACATION BUT I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO WATCH SO I'M RIGHT BACK ON IT. PS. THIS WAS KINDA BORING BUT HAD SOME REAL GOOD MOMENTS.

spookies [movie] THE DEAL WITH THIS MOVIE IS THEY MADE THE MOVIE, THEN DIDN'T RELEASE IT, THEN RESHOT ABOUT 50% OF THE MOVIE WITHOUT THE ORIGINAL ACTORS. SO LIKE INSTEAD OF SPIRITS IN A HAUNTED HOUSE KILLING THEM IT'S ACTUALLY A GERMAN WARLOCK SITTING IN A ROOM THAT THEY CUT TO SO HE CAN TELL YOU HE TOTALLY PLANNED EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE OTHER MOVIE AND THEY CAN EDIT HIS PHOTO INTO SCENES OR DUB HIM OVER A WOMAN SPEAKING. IT'S ALSO GREAT BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL MOVIE LOOKED CHEAP BUT THE MONSTER DESIGNS WERE LIKE, REASONABLY ORIGINAL AND DECENT, AND THEN THE EDITED IN MONSTERS ARE LIKE, THE ABSOLUTE MOST TERRIBLE COSTUMES EVER. ALSO: THEY EDITED FART NOISES IN EVERY TIME ONE OF THE MONSTERS MOVED FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON. PS. I THINK THE BEST DUMB MOVIE PART MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN THE ORIGINAL THOUGH? THEY KNOCK AN LIVING GRIM REAPER STATUE OFF A ROOF AND IT JUST EXPLODES LIKE A BOMB FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. NO WAIT, THE ACTUAL BEST PART IS THE TEENS ASKING "DO...

Uninvited [movie] WHY WOULD YOU NAME THIS MOVIE THIS!?!??! IT'S CLEARLY A MOVIE NAME FOR A MOVIE ABOUT LIKE, A HOUSE WITH A GHOST IN IT OR SOMETHING. NOT ONE PERSON ON EARTH WOULD READ THIS TITLE AND KNOW IT WAS A MOVIE ABOUT A HOUSE CAT THAT CONTAINS A SMALLER EVIL CAT THAT IT CAN BARF OUT IT'S MOUTH TO KILL PEOPLE WITH IT'S CAT POISON ON A MILLIONAIRE'S YACHT. PS. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW YOU CAN TELL THE STORY WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE A CAT THAT AN MUTATE INTO A BEAST WEREWOLF STYLE BUT THEY COULDN'T AFFORD THAT EFFECT SO IT'S THE EXTREMELY WEIRD CONCEPT THAT THE CAT HAS A SMALLER EVIL CAT INSIDE OF IT THAT COMES IN AND OUT OF IT'S MOUTH.